scriptsit

HELLO. i've decided to change blogs and will now be found here :)

I've been feeling so emotionally drained for the last 2 weeks. It gets so hard trying to stay energetic and up-beat when i have to deal with things. Got the most shocking news yesterday. Katrina is getting married. It was... such a weird experience. Thinking about how we've known each other since we were 8 and how we were such a big part of each other's lives for 9-10 years. How she'd tell me that once she got married we'd still be so close and i'd be one of her bridesmaids.
It's so strange to think about the situation we're in now.The fight that happened. What's worse is that both of us just stopped talking to one another, we didnt even care enough to talk it through. well, i didnt anyway. I dont know if i would do the same thing if i could go back in time. Sneakily went and stalked her fb using my sister's account and she has done so many things, met so many new people and i feel so.. odd thinking that i hardly know her anymore when she used to be the person i knew best. ugh. I'm in such a sticky situation, if i do one thing someone else is gonna hold it against me but i really think i've got to do this for me. what i think is best. Anyway just so you know, she isn't pregnant. it's just a very mormon thing to get married young and start having kids even if you're still in university. 
My mind is in a total warp. 

How can i tell whether this is me being paranoid or whether i'm really on to something. 

I've kinda lost who i am. 

Some days i wonder if i'll ever let my insecurities take control. Fighting them is hard. I guess it might be for every girl unless you're like Kate Bekinsale or something (bitch).

I feel like i have to look a certain way, act a certain way, dress a certain way, have certain friends,  go to certain schools. It just gets so draining after a while and i guess i've been letting it get to me a little. Just been in a crabby mood for a month now, i'm letting things that dont usually annoy me, annoy me.

i've just been feeling like being by myself. It's good to be by yourself sometimes, it lets you think and get back to that place where you feel like yourself again. It's probably that. I just need to lay back and do what i want and not feel like i should be out with people or doing something productive. Maybe i've been overcompensating with the shopping. 

But today i realised i shouldn't be insecure. Yes my life isnt perfect and yes i may not have tons of pretty things but i've got so much to look forward to. I'm surrounded by friends that i can really count on, a boyfriend who will always be there for me when i need, and a family that has got my back no matter what (even if my dad can be a real pain in the ass at times).

You know we've just got to look at the good things in life, we cant just look at that tiny black mark on that white sheet of paper! Life is what you make it and i really intend to make mine as good as possible and that means getting out of my horrible insecure mood. it's time for the confident me to step out again and really get to know the people at school and all that. If i dont do anything i could let so many wasted friendships and opportunities slip by.

that would suck.

LOOK AT THIS. you have to love Will Smith now. he knows how to show his woman off haha. 

 

Umm guys... wtf. she's 10 and she has more talent in one finger nail than i have in my entire body. Damn the Smith family they're so good looking and talented!

 

School is getting busy but somehow i dont really feel the stress yet possibly because i havent faced the reality of deadlines. I just cant wait to graduate. have i already said that? I need to get a part time job though if i'm gonna go to the states. i will go on an immense shopping spree srsly. So many things to look forward to next year and then there are some things that i wouldnt mind postponing like applying to uni and leaving everyone i've ever known here. It's change that i will eventually learn to accept but the thought of it is so daunting. I especially dont want to leave jy but if stay i'll probably resent it. Ugh so this is what growing up feels like haha. at least it's a year away a lot can happen in that span of time. i just know i want to graduate asap and what comes after that will be fine.

 

Hey! You guys know i'm a big fan of my friend, Kylie's photographs so it would be amazing if you could vote for her at this website!

http://www.viewbookphotostory.com/2010/09/plateaus-of-the-mind/

It will literally take SECONDS and i know you'll love looking at the photos she's put up, they are beautiful.  

one more week till school starts. i have no even touched my SIP Report. Not good. It's hard to even stay concentrated because i got the new harry potter game (well not really new) and it's so fun. Also, i've starting watch meteor garden again... ACK I KNOW. I ALLOW YOU TO JUDGE ME. it's so addictive even though everyone in it are dumbasses.